so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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