this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
