I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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