Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
