rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
