I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Ketchup is God's man juice
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
