You smell like stripper and shame
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
