she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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