all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
