Kiss
Puke
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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