get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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