I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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