Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Sober January is a disaster.
i dont even know how to be here
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize