After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
