I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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