SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
