1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
