So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
