ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
