So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
