oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
