would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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