you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You're like the curious george of whores
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
