it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
