You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
