the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
