Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
