she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
