Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
