My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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