i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
