I wish my penis had an off switch
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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