I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
