I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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