the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Less talking, more tequila
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
