If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
