3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
