woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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