Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
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