we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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