I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I believe in your delicious
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize