He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
whose ass print is on the piano?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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