# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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