my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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