You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
