Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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