I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Randomize
