forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Randomize
