the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
