hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
