sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize