So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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