this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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