And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
