Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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