saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The beer is more important than you right now.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize