I'm so fucking centered right now
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
