i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
