Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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