I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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