I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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