Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
