first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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