well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
