I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It's not a walk of shame if you run
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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